I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
