My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize