Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
so let's talk penis.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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