everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Randomize