And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize