Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
