So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
