How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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