I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize