When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
