FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
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What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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