Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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