fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
What drink are we having for lunch?
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
