He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Randomize
