my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
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