i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
