Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
