I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
i think i scared a bird with my dick
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
