Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
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