During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
