I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
