I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize
