he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
