It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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