Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
