oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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