Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
