I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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