I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Randomize
