Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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