You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
