White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
