and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
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I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
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Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
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