Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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