Plan B is the new Plan A
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Randomize
