even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
we're making bets on your personal life
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
