I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
