I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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