I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
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