i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
