with your own penis?
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
