Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
