It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
