I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
