i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
