It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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