Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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