just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
