She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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