Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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