mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
