Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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