turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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