In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
