im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
we're making bets on your personal life
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
