Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
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I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
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I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize