you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
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