eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
