He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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