Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Your mouth is God's brothel.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
